I   - How come he appears on your record?

Fink  - We taped his voice and brought it back with us.

Mean  - We stole it.

Fink  - Records about Judges are illegal in Mega city. If you were a norm and made a record about a Judge you'd get seven years in an iso-cube....

Mean  - Which is not very nice.

Fink  - It's also seven years if you get caught with the record.

I  - We have a record here by the  Human League named after Judge Dredd's famous phrase "I am the Law."

Fink  - Poofs.

Mean  - No, no what are they?

Fink  - I think they're grovelling squirmers.

Mean  - We have utter contempt for humes.

Fink Interview (1985)

Interviewer  - How would you describe your record?

Fink  - It's really scrungey.

Mean  - It's dance music.

Fink  - Yes, we can understand your Earthlet trend of dancing. We had to realign out brain cells to the modern pop music of the 80's. The kind of record we'd like to make would be  unlistenable to the average norm. People'll have to buy it or we'll turn to crime.

I   - I thought you muties hated norms, yet you're sitting here with me...

Mean  - We'll take your leg off later!

Fink  - We only hate norms because we were kept out of the city by them. Mutants aren't allowed in Mega city one, it's the law. They tend to warp out.

Mean  - It's nice here because there are no Judges. Judges are the people we really hate. Especially Judge Dredd.

Fink  - No they're grovelling squirming norms because they were in praise of Judge Dredd which is utterly contemptible....really normish (both dissolve into hysterics)

I - As an awesomely ugly duo producing hip dance music you're obviously going to be compared with Wham. Have you heard of them?

Mean  - I've heard of Wham!

Fink  - It's the noise he makes when he butts people.

Mean  - I'll butt anything, walls, vehicles....

Fink  - My first musical experience was hitting someone over the head with a metal bar.

Mean  - There's a band over here called SPK that hit inanimate objects. We only hit live objects.

I   - How would you like to be remembered to the pop biz?

Mean  - For slime, for sludge.

Fink  - For evil.

Mean  - Our basic drives are fear, hate pain...

Fink  - Jealousy, greed, envy.

Mean  - All the good norm points reversed.

I - What's your favourite strip in 2000AD?

Fink  - Strontium Dog, he's a mutie.

Mean  - Yeah, he kills a lot of people. That's a good work ethic.

Fink  - He tries to catch criminals which is a bit contemptible, but

at least he does it for creds.

Mean  - At least he does it for gain, which is OK by us.

I   - How are you boys going to kill me after the interview?

Mean  - Slowly.....we always kill people slowly.

Fink  - We needn't kill him, we could always torture him....

From NO1  magazine Jan 26 1985 - With thanks to Frank Hopkins.







******** SUGGS AND CARL - INVASION OF THE BODYSNATCHERS ********

Emergency! Emergency! Earth is in danger of being invaded by mutants from the 22nd century led by the notorious Fink Brothers.

They stole a time machine and transported themselves back in time to 1985, to wreak more havoc than Maggie Thatcher and Arthur Scargill.

Hot on their heels is the legendary lawman Judge Dredd and the mighty Tharg, part time ruler of the universe and editor of the Galaxy's greatest comic 2000ad.

For periods of time the Fink Brothers have been taking over the bodies of Suggs and Carl from Madness, forcing them to record the single "Mutants in Mega City One " which features the additional track "Mutie Rap". (Became Mutants Blues - Editor)

"There was absolutely nothing we could do we were powerless to fight back." Explains Carl. "The time machine landed tight outside our offices and the Fink Brotheres broke down our door and walked right in.

"Apparently, It's always been their ambition to record a single. One of the brothers is called Mean, his father tore his arm off when he was young and he also tore off half his head, so he now has a metal arm and a metal head. His head has a dial on it and if the the dial is turned to four he gets really angry. Even if the dial is on one or two, you've got to be careful.

"The other one loves poisoning people and Animals" Explains carl. "One of his other hobbies is throwing spiked balls around. Both the Fink Brothers also like nuclear war and Ronald Reagan, which makes them even more unpleasant."

"They live in an are called Cursed Earth which is outside Mega City One and they're trying to get into the city with the other Mutants. Mega City One is where Judge Dredd and his friends dispense Justice The Fink Brothers have stolen some tapes of Dredd's voice which they've used on the single, so that's why he's coming after them.

"The Fink Brothers say they want to go out on tour, but their behaviour is terrible. They don't just bite the heads off pigeons, they bite the heads off humans as well and they smell worse than Lemmy's feet."

Carl and Suggs are praying that if the single sells enough copies the horrible brother will be content to return to their own time and leave them in peace to concentrate on Madness.

"If the Fink Brothers go soon or if they're Zapped by Judge Dredd. Madness will be able to release a single followed by an album and then a tour. Says Suggs.


-------------------

So instead of getting involved in the heady world of the heavy duty music biz, Chas and Suggs are happy to down by the fire and pore over their comic collections.

"I like american comics as well" says suggs "like most kids i was attracted by the shiny covers. I've gone off them a bit now though, I dont think the scripts in american comics are as good as they used to be.

"2000ad, which features Judge Dredd, is really great - a modent comic for modern times and deal with violence in an honest way. There's talk of making a Judge Dredd film but I dont know if and when that will happen."

"The Fink Brothers are also demanding that we make a video of their single. They say that if we can't afford it they'll rob a bank for us".

Record Mirror February 5th 1985

I  - Zarjazz recently had a hit with Feargal Sharkey. Does the name ring a bell.

Mean  - Boring norm.

Fink  - We're using these norms to put out records on Zarjazz to make us a few creds.

Mean  - They have their uses.

I   - There's also this wacky band called Madness.… (This is definitely the wrong question to ask. Fink starts to snarl at me and Mean begins to polish his metal claw menacingly.)

Mean  - Good name but...(sighs)

Fink  - They're not mad at all.

Mean  - They don't know the meaning of the word.

Fink  - They've never poisoned whole families.

I   - (trying to change the subject hurriedly): Thrag, the editor of 2000AD comic, is a Betelgeusian. Is it easy to spot a Betelgeusian in a crowd?

Mean  - Oh yeah, certainly.

Fink  - The red dial on their forehead usually gives it away.

I  - You have a dial on your forehead too. What's that for?

Mean  - It's basically stages of viciousness. I can go from one to four. If they get the Mean Machine coming at them on four then they've had it.

I   - What's your favourite hobby?

Mean  - Going up to four.

Mutie-vision

These muties are very touchy people. Mean hasn't killed anything for hours - or so his press officer says - and he's beginning to get an itchy dial. I can't possibly ask them if they'd enter the  Eurovision song contest....or can I?

Fink   - Yes, we would.

Mean  - But we'd kill all the other contestants.

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